The concept of “mental load” refers to the often invisible labour involved in managing the numerous, ongoing tasks necessary to run a household and care for a family. It encompasses not just the execution of tasks but also the planning, organizing, and tracking that come with it. This burden disproportionately falls on women, particularly in heterosexual relationships, contributing to stress, burnout, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Understanding and addressing the mental load is crucial for achieving balance and equity in relationships and improving overall mental health.

The Invisible Burden

Mental load is sometimes described as the “third shift,” adding to the professional and domestic work many individuals already manage. It includes remembering school events, planning meals, scheduling appointments, and countless other tasks that keep family life running smoothly. Unlike physical tasks, the mental load is invisible and often goes unrecognized and undervalued, contributing to its insidious impact on those who bear it.

The Impact on Mental Health

The continuous nature of the mental load can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. The effort to keep track of everything, combined with the fear of dropping the ball, can be mentally exhausting. This constant state of vigilance and planning can significantly detract from personal well-being, leading to burnout and resentment, which can strain relationships.

Gender Disparity

Research consistently shows that women bear a disproportionate share of the mental load, even in households where physical domestic chores are shared more equitably. This disparity reflects broader societal expectations and norms around gender roles. The assumption that women should naturally take on the role of household managers perpetuates this imbalance, reinforcing traditional gender dynamics and limiting progress towards equality.

Recognizing and Sharing the Mental Load

Awareness is the first step toward addressing the mental load. Recognizing that it exists and understanding its impact is crucial. Communication plays a key role in redistributing this burden more equitably. Partners and family members need to have open discussions about the division of labor, including the often overlooked aspects of planning and organization.

Strategies for Managing the Mental Load

  • Open Communication: Regularly discuss household responsibilities with your partner or family members to ensure tasks and their mental load are shared.
  • Delegation: Assign tasks explicitly, including the responsibility for planning and follow-up, to ensure one person isn’t left keeping track of everything.
  • Use of Tools: Leveraging tools like shared calendars, task lists, and reminders can help distribute the mental load and ensure everyone is aware of what needs to be done.
  • Setting Boundaries: It’s important to set realistic expectations about what can be achieved and to say no or delegate tasks when the load becomes too much.
  • Self-care: Prioritizing self-care is crucial for mental health. Taking time for activities that relax and rejuvenate can help mitigate the effects of mental load stress.


The mental load is a significant but often overlooked aspect of modern life, particularly affecting women. By bringing visibility to this issue, individuals and families can take steps to mitigate its impact, leading to healthier, more equitable relationships. Addressing the mental load isn’t just about reducing stress; it’s about recognising the value of everyone’s contributions, both visible and invisible, and ensuring that all family members feel supported and valued.


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